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Thursday, August 6, 2009

If You Can't Say Something Nice...

The other day, someone (I won't mention any names) says to me, "Your hair really is getting gray, isn't it?" Now, I'm making a big confession here to all of you bloggers. I have gray hair. Well, I would if I didn't color it. On this particular day, it had been quite a while since I had done it. In fact, the box of hair color had been sitting on my counter for several days waiting for me to have a chance to use it. Did I know my head was starting to look like a skunk? Yes. Did my mother-in-law (oops...I wasn't going to mention any names) have to point it out? No, but she did. I've never encountered any rude bloggers, but there seems to be a case of it going around. Nathan Bransford had to block anonymous commenters because of a rude person. Stephanie Faris had to switch from My Space to Blogger because of several rude people. Jenna Alexander decided to stay completely away from the internet for a week because of a rude comment she read on someone's blog. Someone might argue that if the world was a perfect place, everyone would be kind, but it's not, so as bloggers, we have to deal with it. I disagree. I think being part of a community like this comes with the responsibility of interacting in a positive and respectful manner. It does not come with the right to say whatever you want. What do you think? Have you ever come across any rude bloggers?

37 comments:

MeganRebekah said...

Personally? No not yet, but I know that they're out there...

Suzanne said...

Hi! The more we dig, the more we find. I notice that the more hits my site gets the more strange the comments get. Sometimes it is cultural, (we are global baby!) and when I feel funny about a comment I check to see where they are from and most times they are writing (or using translation tools) using cultural inflections.

ALSO (at the risk of rambling) I went to a conference where they had a whole "class" on writers blogging and the novelist Alex Chee said "If I get a rude comment, I delete it and forget about it." I plan on doing the same thing if and when it happens to me.

~S

Eileen Astels Watson said...

Seems to me that it's common courtesy to be polite in any circumstance. It's sad when people aren't respectful!

Janna Qualman said...

I've had spam (inappropriate, at that) and have been blasted by a rude comment or two at a writer's forum (it's a negative person who chooses to make herself feel better by putting others down), but haven't yet witnessed out-right rudeness on my blog. Thanks goodness.

But I'm sensitive to such things, and I hope not to encounter it.

Novice Writer Anonymous said...

I haven't seen it on blogger. But other forums I've been on get it really bad. Flame wars, trolls, all of it. I think it's only a matter of time before some of us start to see it a little bit here and there, though I doubt it will ever get really out of hand.

SM Blooding said...

I've READ rude comments on other people's blogs and, let me tell you, they sure get me riled up. But, I've been really lucky. On my blogs, I haven't come across any rude people. AND, I think, there's a way on Blogger to delete it. I know I've seen deleted comments, but I've never had to do it yet. *knocking on wood* Let's hope I don't have to.

But there are...unpleasant people everywhere. OR people who had a bad day and just...feel the need to share? I don't know. I know that I've have bad days and sometimes suffer from word vomit, but as I've gotten older--I've got gray hairs too, but I don't dye them--I've learned to control that a bit better. A bit.

Heather Sunseri said...

I couldn't agree more! There is no room for rudeness or inappropriate remarks in blogging. I am fully willing to accept a comment from someone who disagrees with an opinion I have (I have many - and I actually welcome differing opinions), but it better be delivered respectfully, or I reserve the right to delete said comment. Period!

Sharla said...

I haven't had anything come at me personally, but I've seen rudeness in other blogs and forums. Especially on agent blogs, which is sad because they are there to help us, they don't have to do that. And people sometimes use those to blast the very hands that are trying to feed us.

I'm all for free speech, but I'm also for respect and maturity of treating people right.

Lazy Writer said...

Megan,
I haven't personally either, but you are right. There are some rude people out there. I've been lucky so far.

Suzanne,
That's my plan, too.

Eileen,
It is sad. Nobody gains anything from it.

Janna,
I've had a couple of spam comments, too. They weren't rude, but it did bother me.

Novice,
I hope you are right. I mean, the part about it not getting out of hand.

SM,
Thanks for stopping by. I've seen the deleted comments, too, and I always wonder what was said.

Heather,
Yes! Thank goodness for the little trash can icon, right?

Sharla,
I know! It's crazy that people would be rude to someone who could actually help them out. It makes no sense!

Stephanie Faris said...

MySpace is a beast of its own. I think because it's a social networking site, first and foremost. But the problem over there is that they rank bloggers so it fosters a much more competitive environment. Everyone is in a race to get more comments and kudos than everyone else and everyone scrutinizes the "top blogs" to see who is there. Nobody's writing is for everyone, so of course people are going to be bitter if someone in the top ten isn't writing what they feel is "good writing."

I don't see that here. Of course, there will always be rude people but the only thing CLOSE to a rude comment I've gotten over here was from a MySpacer who took the trouble to set up a fake profile here just to call me a nasty name and attack me publicly. Yes, THAT is the mentality we're talking about. It's a little scary how many whacko people there are over there on MySpace!

DebraLSchubert said...

Thankfully, I've not experienced any of that myself. If I did, I'd definitely pounce on the 'delete' key. Life's too short for that nonsense. Make love, not war. Eat cookies, not rice cakes. What goes around, comes around. Treat the universe well, and it comes back in spades.;-)

Jennifer Shirk said...

Well, fortunately, no, I've never come across any rude bloggers. At least...not that I remember.

Amber Lynae said...

Luckily none of the rude commenters have left comments on my my blog. But I have seen them do it to others. One of my favorite bloggers had to switch her blog to private because of it.

A blog is like someones home. I hope that you don't go in being rude in someone's home. Rude people SUCK.

FictionGroupie said...

I have luckily not encountered this yet, but I'm sure it will happen eventually. Obnoxious people exist everywhere, unfortunately. Ironically, on blogs they all seemed to be named Anonymous. At least if you're going to be rude, own up to your comment.

Jody Hedlund said...

I haven't personally had any rude comments. Perhaps ones I don't agree with, but never rude. But. . .unfortunately I'm sure there will come a day when I have to deal withit. Most of us are blogging as a way to network and build a web presence. Making rude comments would be a little bit like committing career suicide. Why would anyone want to do that? I think it's always best to be as professional as possible.

Michelle McLean said...

I've seen a few though luckily haven't experienced any on my blog yet. But it is also why I have my comments on moderator mode...I don't want or need rude comments on my blog. I am all for constructive criticism, but I've got enough going on in my life without adding someone else's bad vibes to it. :) I agree with you...there is no reason we shouldn't be respectful and positive. There is enough negativity in the world :)

Cindy said...

I'm come across a few bloggers that made comments I definitely didn't appreciate. None on my blog but usually on agent blogs. One time I just had to make a comment to tell the agent how much I appreciated them and all the information they were posting even if others didn't. I understand if people don't agree and I understand if certain posts frustrate them. But to take it out on the person posting it is unprofessional. (Okay, rant over :D)

Terri Tiffany said...

No I haven't had any but if I did, I'd probably delete it and go on. People are rude all around us every day but I can ignore them online just the same:) Mostly I have wonderful readers!

Strange Fiction said...

I've been lucky to have only wonderful, polite, supportive comments on my blog. I've seen a few comments on other blogs that have set my teeth on edge...

My biggest fear is that I will one day unintentionally offend someone by saying something meant to be humourous or something that's taken the wrong way. I hope it never happens.

Lazy Writer said...

Stephanie,
I was shocked by your story! Thankfully, I've never seen anything like that happen on blogger.

Debra,
I agree. What comes around goes around!

Jennifer,
I imagine you'd remember, and I haven't experienced it myself either. I hope I never do.

Amber,
Yes! Rude people suck!

Fiction Groupie,
Seriously! Why don't they own up to it?

Jody,
Good point! Those people who are rude do not look good to anybody.

Michelle,
I agree. There is nothing wrong with constructive criticism. It's when it becomes destructive that there's a problem.

Cindy,
Good rant!

Terri,
I have wonderful readers, too! And you are right. We encounter rude people all the time. The best thing is to just ignore them.

Strange,
I have that same fear! Sometimes my humor can be taken wrong. Please let me know if you ever see me coming across as offensive.

Shelli said...

someone once cussed me out on my FB page. how rude is that...what's worse is I didn't even deserve it.

Strange Fiction said...

I can't imagine you coming off as offensive Lazy Writer but sure I'll give you a nudge if that dark day ever comes lol. I'll count on you to do the same for me.

BTW - I'm Light Ash Blonde in the summer and Medium Ash Blonde in the winter and for those oops I've got roots times--I'm lovin' my ball cap.

Kelly H-Y said...

Not yet ... and I hope it stays that way. It's sad that that occurs. I agree with what you said ... stay positive and respectful!!!

Kathy said...

I personally haven't encountered any rude comments. And while I wouldn't like rude, I think it's okay if someone is just trying to make a truthful, even if unpopular, comment. (i.e. don't say you like a certain author, book, movie, etc. if you really don't.) People just need to be tactful.

Kathryn Magendie said...

Seems so many blogs I've visited today I noticed "lazy writer" on ther e- so I finally clicked to come visit!

I've been very lucky to have had no rude comments on my blog. However, when I first started a blog over at MSN, I was put on a "blog of the week" thing or whatever they had - oh! I received some strange comments - some rude and some disturbing - they didn't know me, or me them, they just had nothing better to do; but since then, alls been well!

jenheadjen said...

Honestly, I think I started blogging intensely, thanks to a somewhat unnecessary comment someone made on my FB page, about someone else. (If you search my blog far enough, you can find it.) It shook me up way too much, and after taking the person off my friends list, I started writing more heavily. I guess there are blessings from the unpleasant. :) Good topic.

On as side note though, as sensitive as I am, I don't doubt that I've likely offended some people, inadvertently, by sharing my very opinionated thoughts at times. I try to be diplomatic about it, but it's often hard to tell without hearing the tone of voice.

Lazy Writer said...

Shelli,
Sorry about the cussing out you received. People are so insensitive sometimes!

Strange,
Thank you so much! I'm medium brown in the winter and light brown in the summer. Without the boxes, though, I'd be gray all the way!

Kelly,
If everyone is positive and respectful, even if they disagree with what you are saying, there would be no problems, right?

Kathy,
Yes, I agree. Tact is very important!

Kathryn,
Thanks for stopping by. And congrats on the blog of the week thing! That's pretty exciting! Even if it did bring out the weirdos.

Jen,
Good point. A negative can always turn into a positive! And, yes, you can't hear someone's tone in a comment, so it would be very easy to take something the wrong way.

Midlife Jobhunter said...

No, I've never received a rude comment. That's why my mom wants to start a blog - because everyone is so nice.

edwin joseph said...

It's much easier for people to discourage rathan than give encouragement. And Yes it is normal but ofcourse not recommended. It will always be advisable to speak nicely. Or if nothing much to compliment, just don't speak :-)

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Tabitha Bird said...

I agree that no one has the right to be rude...EVER. People can always choose to disagree respectfully.

Corey Schwartz said...

Ha! I have a friend who sent her husband's mom to a "mother-in-law" class! :)

Jenn Johansson said...

I've seen the a rude comment or two. It is unfortunate and you'd hope people would have more respect. The good news is... most of them do. :)

Jenna Alexander said...

I need to learn to not give rude and hurtful people power and attention when they enter my world. I wish I could. Unfortunately it affects me.

Let's all just try and be nice and ignore those that are not. They are looking for a reaction.

I promise to stick up for those that are being bullied.

Jenna

Christina Lee said...

first time here- I am enjoying your blog- off to read more! from one grey haired blogger/writer to another!

Karen said...

A couple of months ago, I posted a comment on someone's blog as a response to a contest of sorts between two bloggers. Well, one of them didn't much like my feedback and posted some very rude and obnoxious anonymous comments on my blog. It wasn't hard to track down the anonymous commenter, and I was able to block her from accessing my site. Also, I have pretty thick skin, so it didn't really bother me. But it was the principle. It was just such a stupid and childish thing to do. I don't know why some people just can't let things go and why they enjoy being rude.

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