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Wednesday, October 14, 2009

If You Can't Say Something Nice... (Repost)

The other day, someone (I won't mention any names) says to me, "Your hair really is getting gray, isn't it?" Now, I'm making a big confession here to all of you bloggers. I have gray hair. Well, I would if I didn't color it. On this particular day, it had been quite a while since I had done it. In fact, the box of hair color had been sitting on my counter for several days waiting for me to have a chance to use it. Did I know my head was starting to look like a skunk? Yes. Did my mother-in-law (oops...I wasn't going to mention any names) have to point it out? No, but she did. I've never encountered any rude bloggers, but I know of people who have, and I can't believe it. Someone might argue that if the world was a perfect place, everyone would be kind, but it's not, so as bloggers, we have to deal with it. I disagree. I think being part of a community like this comes with the responsibility of interacting in a positive and respectful manner. It does not come with the right to say whatever you want. What do you think? Have you ever come across any rude bloggers?

40 comments:

Kristi Faith said...

Thankfully I have not had any rude comments on my blog. I have seen other rude bloggers on other blogs (even agent blogs, how crippling!) Commenters, bloggers and cyberspace in general needs to follow the Golden Rule as much as we do in the 'real' world.

I will say if I ever have a rude comment, I might cry for a minute, then I will contemplate doing something very evil to said commenter, and then I would finally get over it. :)

*ahem* and I have gray hair too-and not enough money to dye it, so I get to hear it from my kids all the time lately. "Mom-you really do have a lot of gray hairs." Gee-thanks kids:)

K. M. Walton said...

I have encountered really rude comments when I put my stuff out there for judgment (NOT our group). But I take it because I put it out there, willingly. Do I like the rude comments? Yeah, no. Would I ever be as rude as some other writers are when critiquing? Yeah, no. But again, I put it out there so I have to take it.

I just think there are kinder ways to get points across, ways that don't tear someone down. I mean, we're talking about people and people have feelings. It's almost like the comment box removes the human being and makes some feel like they can be as brutal as they want.

I'm all for honesty and I never want to hear that my writing is great if it isn't. I don't need any smoke blown. But what I do need is a sense of human decency and kindness. You don't have to be mean about it.

I feel strongly about this one, huh?

MattDel said...

This is the problem with the Internet. It gives people this false sense of anonymity; that they can say things they wouldn't say to a person's face without fear of reprisal.

The Internet's done a lot to connect us, but it's also made it easier for people to deride others. I personally post with the maxim that, if I'd say it to your face, then I will post it to your blog. That's the best way to do it, methinks.

Tamika: said...

Susan you make an excellent point. We have an obligation to show respect, I think it is one of the fine traits of being an adult.

Thankfully I have not encountered any rude bloggers. This has been one large community of talented, respectful, and kind people.

I thank God for that.

Natalie said...

Yes, but only once. Ironically, I posted about it today.

I have gray hair too. It's very sad.

I just saw you now have 200 followers! Congratulations!!!

Stephanie L. McGee said...

I've not ever come across rude bloggers in any writing related blogs. But on this other blog I follow, there was one day that the trolls came out to play and it got really ugly. I take it back, I did see some nastiness once on an agent's blog and they blocked anonymous comments for a time because of it. (Not that I ever truly published anonymously.)

staceyjwarner said...

You and Natalie are on the same page...LOL!

I'm a baby blogger within the community but so far it's all good. There is always a bad seed that is insecure and unhappy so they think by spewing their venom, they'll make themselves feel better. I have compassion for them. They are the one's suffering.

much love

Regina Milton said...

I got some rude comments when I guest posted on someone else's blog. At first it hurt a little. I realize that everyone has the right to their own feelings so I decided not to take it personally even though the comment was a bit personal. I don't want to use my blog or my comments as a place to bash others. I don't like seeing when others feel the need to do it. I try to only follow the blogs of positive people.

JenE said...

I am so glad you chose this topic today. I have started a blog, but have yet to post anything. I don't want to put myself out there just to be shredded. (That, and I have a hangup about the world and all its crazies having access.)
Some day soon I will take the plunge, and hope for the best.

Strange Fiction said...

I've been lucky to have only wonderful, polite, supportive comments on my blog. I've seen a few comments on other blogs that have set my teeth on edge...

My biggest fear is that I will one day unintentionally offend someone by saying something meant to be humourous or something that's taken the wrong way. I hope it never happens. (RECOMMENT) *hehehe*

Mandy said...

I'm always amazed when people just blurt out a rude comment or observation. Feelings (and egos) are fragile things and I truly believe that being kind is the most important thing. Can you be kind and honest at the same time? Sure. Should you say every insensitive thing that pops in your brain? Absolutely not.

~Ellie Kings~ said...

Susan, you already know I'm a baby blogger since you were one of my first followers. And I must say I enjoy your comments and your respect. Your title is one of my mottos. Don't say it, if it's not going to be something nice. If asked, I try to work around the words, so as not to sound mean, ie., the other day a friend asked if I liked her outfit. I smiled and said, "It's not something that would look good on me, but on you, it looks great!"

I still don't know if I said it right, but she smiled and thanked me. So I guess it worked.

I haven't had anyone leave ugly comments yet and hopefully that won't happen, but if it does, I'll take it with a grain of salt. (I think that's the English expression :)

L. T. Host said...

Some people just have no filter. Not that that's a good enough excuse, but it's there.

I haven't had any rude bloggers on my blog yet--- you guys are all WONDERFUL! But I have seen them on others. Mainly Nathan's blog, actually, but I guess there are enough bitter rejected writers out there that it's bound to happen.

Eileen Astels Watson said...

I remember this post. Felt your pain the first time, same as now.

In writing, so many things can be misconsrued, so if I have felt like I received a rude comment, I always look to see what they might have meant differently. I don't find people who take the time to comment enter rude ones. But I suppose there are some out there who would.

Abby said...

You have 200 followers!! You rock!!

I've been lucky and haven't had any rude commenters on my blog, but I've seen it on other blogs. Something about the anonymity of the internet that brings out people's ugly side.

And, um, mother-in-laws? I thought it was their job to make rude comments. At least yours says it to your face. Mine likes to be more round-about and say it to my husband when I'm sitting right next to him. Makes me crazy.

strugglingwriter said...

One time a blog trash talked an entry I did pretty badly. It made me really mad at first, I mean my ears were hot from it. I almost responded, but I just let it go. That's been my only real negative experience.

I had a friend that used to say things like the above. They didn't do it out of malice, really, but I have no idea why people point out the foibles in others, and friends to boot! People are weird.

Patti said...

I haven't experienced it, hopefully I won't. I hate when people make comments like that. I get, "you look tired," all the time.

Roni @ FictionGroupie said...

I've luckily only encountered positive bloggers so far. Congrats on two hundred followers! That's awesome!

Wendy @ All in a Day's Thought said...

Yes and even more so, strange ones. My eyes tend not to open up fully until after 10:00 AM and I'm a morning person, but I can't tell you how many times someone has said to me, "You look so tired" after I've had a great night of sleep.

Words...I tell you.
~ Wendy

Dominique said...

On most of the blogs I follow, the comments tend to be nice and helpful, but I've seen more than a few bloggers delete the Anon function, because some people couldn't be nice. Tis a shame.

Girl in My Own World said...

You know, I have never had that happen here. I have seen it on the gossip blogs and such, but somehow I think that is to be expected. I don't see why someone would want to be rude, I mean if you don't like it... don't comment or follow. However, I guess it is the same thing on here was in the real world. Some people just cannot keep their mouths shut on things. I don't know. I hope that I never have to encounter that on here. Sorry that someone wanted to comment on your hair. I have a response for that, but in the spirit of being polite and kind... I will keep it to myself. lol. :oP

Mark said...

I have been blogging for three years and I am happy to say that I can count on one hand the number of rude comments that I received. I send love to those who are rude and hope that my energy may help them to be kinder in the future.

Kathy said...

No. Fortunately, I've only encountered nice bloggers.

Angela said...

God--'why' would she say that to you? I mean, crazy! That's just not cool, and really, you know it's gonna cause bad feelings. Sure we all notice stuff like this, but do we say it? NO!

I've only had one rude blogger. They found my blog and saw all the setting theasurus entries and after complimenting me on the project, he wanted me to link all my relavant posts to his blog which used settings as 'story starters.' I didn't know this person from adam so I offered to instead do a post about their blog so that people using my blog could go there if they wanted to 'practice' their settings. This person freaked out, saying that they had been so complimentary and nice and offering a single post in their direction was a slap in the face and unprofessional.

Um, okay. Sure. Ranting is just so much more professional. As is posing interest in a site just to get traffic to go your way. Wow I am so backward.

Luckily most of this was over email, so my readers didn't have to see any of it.

Shelli said...

the only one ive seen was on Ms snarks' first victim during one of the agent contests. ONe person was dogging everyone and ripping them apart. It was so rude!

MG Higgins said...

Disagreement is great and arguing is great, as long as it's done with respect and it's the subject being judged, not the individual blogger. Some people don't understand the difference, and luckily I've never come across any of them commenting on my blog! This is a remarkably repsectful community.

Terri Tiffany said...

I think I've been fortunate and most everyone has been wonderful:) Hope it is the trend!

Anissa said...

Rude people suck. Period. Unfortunately the anonymity of the internet seems to make people think there are different rules. That said, the majority of people I've come into contact with are totally sweet. It's the select few. Sorry about the MIL comment. I totally feel your pain.

Anna C. Morrison said...

Yes, I have. ~sigh~ And I've let my hair grow out for too long before, also. :) As for my current blogging experience, this group has been GREAT!!! The only problem is that there is someone reading my blog that doesn't like me, so I did have to turn on comment moderation. I also feel like I can't post much anymore. But I'm still here.

Karen said...

I once made what I thought was a perfectly fine comment on someone's blog. It wasn't someone I regularly read, so I didn't think much of getting a response. About a week later, I had an amazingly rude Anonymous commenter show up. The whole saga lasted about two days and I think I handled it pretty well. When I finally identified the anonymous troll and found her blog, I was stunned to read in her About Me page that she takes pride in doing things to try to drive people literally insane.

I don't know why some people can't just play well with others, but it's one of those things you'll find everywhere. Some are just miserable in their own lives and we all know that misery loves company.

Karen Amanda Hooper said...

Not me personally. But I've read some bloggers make rude comments to agents, authors, editors etc. Its sad they never learned the golden rule. I'm sure your hair looks fabulous!

Tabitha Bird said...

Rudeness is never okay. You can say what you mean without being obnoxious.
My hair has little grey bits in it now too... oh god! :)

Kelly's Ideas said...

Oh yes - there are a lot of unhappy people out there that take great pleasure posting mean and rude things.... it is heart breaking... BTW - my mom in law says what she wants too..

Love to you.
Kelly
http://www.ivebecomemymother.com

Lily Robinson said...

Fortunately, I've never had a rude experience. my followers and visitors have all been wonderful. I have heard of some unkind bloggers, though.

As for the hair... I am finally liberated! I cut off the colored part and am wearing my silver with pride!

Midlife Jobhunter said...

I've had someone misinterpret a comment of encouragement. On further review from a few friends, the consensus arose that the writer had issues with her feelings in the blog and I may have just pushed a wrong button while trying to be sympathetic. The old - me thinks he dost protest too much, thing.

Otherwise, no issues. And I'm normally really bad about saying what I think.

Stephanie said...

Hi Susan-
No real rude bloggers but people who felt the need to tell me what to do.
Wasn't so bad, sometimes I simply don't address the comment and others times I do. Kind of depends.
I too am gray...been 25% gray since high school now at least 80% but I color it. :-)

kavita said...

When i first looked at your profile picture in a comment at 167Dad ,i thought,wow!!what a lovely lady with beautiful hairs...we see what we like to see likewise we spread only what we have to offer...if a person is positive thinker they will never be negative on others page.

Nancy said...

No rude bloggers. Everyone had been on their best behavior. Only once or twice did I feel any type of criticism or question of my accounts. These times were helpful because I needed to know that I wasn't being clear. My bloggers so far have been so encouraging to me. Thanks guys.

My gray hair is showing a bit, too. My friends and famaily have been very nice about not mentioning it until I can get it fixed.

Angie Muresan said...

I agree with you on this wholeheartedly!! By the way, I too have grey hair... ugh. But what is it with people (ok, mothers in law) who make such rude comments anyway? I had mine ask me at a family dinner two months after I had my baby, what I intended to do about losing the weight. As everyone just looked into their plates she laughed and said that she never had any issues with weight gain... and she had had seven kids.

Rick and Monique Elgersma said...

I haven't really come across a totally rude commenter. But I don't want to thwart an adverse opinion either...but adverse doesn't have to make one feel like dirt right?!